Drive Very VERY Carefully

Last Saturday was my birthday. I tried to make it to the Mozart concert at the Liberty but the company at the Columbian was too fun to leave early, so we left the table with just enough time to get me home to change from my tiara into my tennies for the last gift of the day . . . a ride-along with Sheriff's Deputy Tim Guest.

Deputy Guest worked the jail for five years and has been on the road for a year or so. He's young and adorable and smart and funny and kind and (sorry, girls)very nicely married with two young children, including a beautiful nine-year-old daughter. He shivers to think she will be dating in six years, and in the car with goofballs like he often stops.

A quick check at his desk and we were off into the chill, clear night. He said I might be subject to some quick turnarounds, and that when we made a stop I should get out of the car when he does. He said he'd be looking in his rear- and side-view mirrors a lot, for brake lights that come on when the driver sees him and for non-functioning lights that serve as the basis for a stop.

First stop was a guy in his 20s, semi-passed out under a tree in his parents' front yard. A neighbor had called in a complaint after the guy had stumbled into his yard and slurred a long string of loud profanities. "I'm chuss enchoyin' tha weeken'," the guy said after he was helped to stand up. Deputy Guest spent about a half hour out in the yard, in the cold, talking to the guy and the guy's parents, I think mostly to keep the guy standing up and breathing, to give him a chance to sober up a tiny bit and finish his rant. Afterwards, Deputy Guest described the guy as "fairly intoxicated" to Dispatch. I would've said "hammered."

We saw an SUV about to turn out of a mini-mart without its headlights on; as it pulled into the street, the headlights came on. "If that guy had gone ten more feet I'd have stopped him," Deputy Guest said.

We followed a woman in an older toodle-oodle car who had crossed the fog line a few miles back. She drove straight for a couple miles and turned off Highway 30 and onto Swenson Road, driving in the paved shoulder before making the turn. She would've gotten off with a warning but she has a driving record.

We whipped around on 101 near Gearhart and stopped a guy going 74 in a 50. That's a $150+ ticket.

We came up on an older yellow Beetle in fine condition but with no tail lights. It came to a lurching stop before getting all the way off the road. The driver was a 16-year-old skinny kid who'd just gotten off work at a local fast-food joint. He was on his way home to get his skateboard and was then going to drive over to a friend's house. He'd gotten his license the week before. He had no idea his tail lights didn't work. He had no idea what tail lights ARE. "Do they come on when you turn on the headlights?" he asked, "Or do I need to do something special?" He was serious. Deputy Guest had to point to the tail lights on the Bug. Deputy Guest told him to get the lights fixed and not to drive at night until he does. "Is it okay to drive during the day?" We followed him home, for saftety's sake.

Five years from now Deputy Guest will have absolutely no memory of that stop. But that kid will be telling his grandkids all about tail lights, and about the night just after he'd gotten his license that the nice sheriff told him.

The rest of the night, at least until I got out and went home at 2am, was filled with our conversation while Deputy Guest kept keen eyes on passing cars and terrain.

I had no idea just how safely we are all expected to drive. Keep all your equipment in working order and use it. If you need to make a phone call and can't do it hands-free, stop by the side of the road. DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE. Any swerve will be cause for a stop. Drive very VERY carefully.